Min familj

Då jag var yngre ville jag gifta mig och få en god familj och bli en god husmor. Jag tänkte att jag skulle få två barn. Men efter det att jag gifte mig var jag tvungen att föda fram fyra barn.

Min man och hans familj ville ha en pojke. För var gång som jag födde en flicka var de så spända på att få en pojk. Min svärfar var alkoholist och tog ofta med sig sina fulla vänner hem. Så samtidigt som jag blev trakasserad av min man för att jag bara fick flickor blev jag också plågat av hans far och vänner.

Jag var trött på livet. Och samtidigt började min man att dricka och se efter andra kvinnor. Och han började att slå mig varje kväll eftersom jag bara hade fött honom flickor. ”De är en börda för familjen” sa han om flickorna.

Jag hade tre yngre syskon som inte var i stånd att hjälpa mig att kontrollera min man eller förhandla med honom. Inte heller mina föräldrar var i stånd till det. Min man använde sig av min svaga position och slog mig och gick bakom min rygg. Sakta insåg jag att om jag fortsatte att vara beroende av honom skulle mina barn svälta, så jag bestämde mig för att tjäna egna pengar genom att sy andras kläder.

Alldeles efter det att jag fick vårt tredje barn försvann min man i tre månader. Han var så arg på mig för att jag hade fött en tredje flicka och flyttade in med en annan kvinna i en by långt från min hemstad, 160 kilometer bort. Då jag fick höra från en bekant att han bodde där reste jag dit för att hämta hem honom för jag behövde hans hjälp för att ta vara på mina flickor.

Dessutom, medan min man bodde tillsammans med den andra kvinnan började min svärfar att antasta mig sexuellt. Mina hjälplösa föräldrar och unga bröder kunde inte ge mig särskilt med hjälp för att få mig ur min situation. Jag var beroende av min man igen och det var därför, även efter att så mycket hade hänt som jag var tvungen att gå tillbaka till honom.

Då han kommit tillbaka startade vi vår skräddarbutik. Men allt eftersom blev han oansvarig igen. Han tvingade mig att få ännu ett barn, i hopp om att få en pojke. Men även efter det att pojken fötts förändrade han inte sitt uppträdande mot mig. Han fortsatte att dricka och slå mig.

Arbetet i butiken gick bra, men han var som han alltid var. Han tyckte aldrig om mig eller mina flickor. Han skällde ut mig framför barnen hela tiden.

Så flyttade vi till Delhi. Vi letade efter arbete och jag behövde ro i själen. Jag hade hoppats att en ny plats skulle kunna bidra till att förändra min man och att det skulle ske något bra i mitt liv. Efter att vi flyttade ändrade han sig lite. Han blev mindre hotfull mot mig. Likväl kom han ofta hem full och skällde ut mig och barnen.

Men nu står vi tillsammans och nyligen sa min äldsta dotter till honom att om han angriper oss mer så skulle hon slå tillbaka.

 

Foto: Florian Lang

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